Secrets

14 Jun

A while ago, I read somewhere that if its on a computer, its not a secret. I forgot who said that. I am sure Google knows who said that. I am sure Google knows everything including what I did last summer. Oh wait, I posted that on Facebook. Okay, fine, you won Internet, but only this time! But the Governments will never know!

I don’t like anyone knowing everything about me – how am I going to be the mid-30s mysterious someone if everything about me is known, especially my date of birth?! Oh wait a minute, that is something I have to fill up in every form I ever had to fill, on-line or otherwise.

They know about me watching ‘Game of Thrones’? Damn! Now they know what kind of TV programs I like! They are going to tell my mom about this R-rated show? Oh no, oh no. They also know that I download stuff which could fall into gray-areas of electronic piracy? You are scaring me!

Ah, but they will never know where I live! What do you mean my address is there on every ‘collect royalty points’ card? They know where I live?! Blessed heaven, I got to move to an unknown village in Bhutan immediately. Better pack my bags and get that plane ticket. Oh, the ticketing data is saved on the computer and it will be traceable? Why are you telling me all this?!

If the Government has nothing better to do than read all my emails which involves long shopping lists, forwards of days old jokes, Nigerian get-rich-quickly emails, chain-letters about Microsoft giving away a dollar for a forward, I guess, we might as well let them get along with it!

Hey, all you bad guys, waiting to annihilate the planet – this is your chance, the Governments are busy looking at the porn collections of various individuals, go ahead and invade the planet right now!

My advice, if you want to keep it a secret, right it down in a diary in random cryptic teen-speak through all ages, in a handwriting similar to my husband’s – even you won’t be able to read it in a couple of years.

As for me, time has come to flag down a spaceship and explain to the alien why it is so important to get off the planet before my broadband bill turns up! 

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One Response to “Secrets”

  1. Akshita June 29, 2013 at 7:14 am #

    One word for this: Exactly!

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