Pompeii – a 360°

25 Feb

Lots of Spoilers – so please do not read if you do not want me to give away everything!

I have the following tips for Paul W.S. Anderson’s next directorial venture:

1. By all means, assume we did not pay any attention whatsoever during history lessons at school

2. Do not cast Kiefer Sutherland – in any role… please?

3. Kit Harrington’s abs is the only reason for some of us to watch this – next movie, more abs and less of the stabbing in the diaphragm

4. If you need to cut-and-paste a screenplay together, do choose obscure films, we,the movie-going public, do like a challenge

5. Bubble speech works only in Comics – you might want to look for a different dialogue writer for 3-D movies with real people in it

6. Bird’s eye-view shots in a computer generated town works only when you are Peter Jackson and you can slip in New Zealand into some of it

7. Carie-Anne Moss is Trinity, do not waste her as a prop

Overall, I would say, stick to Milla Jovovich and Zombies – you are good at creating mass-destruction in a more of a cinematic set-up than real stories. 

And Kit, I love you as Jon Snow but you got to practise more than just your squinting-menacingly-at-your-enemies look and swordplay. The Abs, you can keep.

Ladies and Gentlemen,I would recommend Pompeii for a different reason. It is an insightful movie. All of you who claim that we are hurting the planet making it sound like it is an adorable furry little animal?  

I have news for you!

The planet is out to get us! Invest in FTL companies Now- Buy, Buy, Buy!

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Serenity!

3 Feb

Serenity!

No, actually the boat is called Santa Lucia.

End of a Long Break

3 Feb

Hi everyone!

I am back after my long break from blogging! I am still working on a workable schedule but my blogging has to be put on a slow flame for a while longer. I shall write whenever I find something worthwhile to share. Thank you for not ‘unfollowing me’ (yet!)

 

On a break!

27 Nov

Hey everyone,

I have to take a break now to concentrate on my studies, will be back at end of the year.

Have fun!

Cowbells and Canola fields

17 Oct

Imagine a rolling field of canola flowers, a gentle breeze blowing across the nodding heads of yellow buds, the tinkling of genuine alpine cowbells, mandolin music….a man straightens up, slowly and dramatically, opens his arms up to welcome you in to an embrace….. sigh

(if that doesn’t make your heart go wummmm like a tuning fork, I don’t know what else can- oh yes, forgot to mention, there are dimples involved!)

If you had been a teenager growing up in India in the early 90’s, you would immediately know what I am talking about. The scene that came to epitomise romance for millions of teens in 1995 – ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya leh Jayenge’ lovingly called ‘DDLJ’ – loosely translated: ‘The Brave gets the Bride’ (I like alliterations). This movie made every Indian teen believe that Switzerland is heaven, not just a tax-haven. Alpine cowbells probably beat the sale of Swiss chocolates that year because every Indian that went to Switzerland that year or thereafter did not leave that country without acquiring one for their loved one.

My regular readers know of my turbulent relationship with Shah Rukh Khan (King Khan). A friend asked me recently how can I be so besot with that man – he overacts all the time. It is not just Shah Rukh Khan I adore, it is the character he plays – the larger-than-life romantic hero and yes, he can play that to the hilt and that is not overacting!

He never ever gives up on his lady-love, he never ever would turn away from a confrontation (be it with his father, the girl’s father, his boss, the police or even terrorists), he who would fight till the end with whatever means necessary. He rarely harasses the girl to fall in love with him – he just wins them over by being naughty, silly, with his over-the-top antics and look-into-my-eyes look. In his movies, love develops over a period of time- sometimes it takes the entire length of the movie which can go up-to 3 hours but hey, all good things take time. So you wait till the credits roll, do you hear?

Shameless(ness)

11 Oct

Recipe to make a shameless movie

(Besharam)

1 thin plot (might completely crumble during editing of the movie – beware)

3-4 stellar actors (depending on stellarness, if small, then take 4; available in family packs)

6 non-melodious, useless, pointless songs (look in special mediocrity stores)

1 completely nondescript overacting heroine (taken in large doses causes severe hatred)

1 villain in Jodhpuri pants and diamond earrings

2-3 fast German cars (make sure they are red and shiny – you can contact the Indo-German Chamber of Commerce for support)

1  famous director (could also be famous for controversies – adjust according to taste – there is no accounting for taste anyway)

  • Mix all the above ingredients together
  • Add a few kids and babies from an orphanage to give it a nice dreary tone.
  • Sprinkle it generously with toilet humour
  • Layer some atrocious looking clothes and dialogues to make it completely unpalatable.
  • Put in the oven for a couple of years.

When it is done and stinking, if you still have any taste left, you may share the misery with your friends.

I am going to wash off the taste of ‘Besharam’ with some pangalactic gargle blaster. I might never recover – I might need some therapy!

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Mothra

9 Oct

Mothra

If you ever encounter Mothra, do not be afraid. She is mostly harmless and the size of a packet of tissue.

No her real name is not Mothra – I do not know the species’s name.

You are welcome to send me the name via the comment section! I found this at a buststop in Panjim, Goa, India.