Lots of Spoilers – so please do not read if you do not want me to give away everything!
I have the following tips for Paul W.S. Anderson’s next directorial venture:
1. By all means, assume we did not pay any attention whatsoever during history lessons at school
2. Do not cast Kiefer Sutherland – in any role… please?
3. Kit Harrington’s abs is the only reason for some of us to watch this – next movie, more abs and less of the stabbing in the diaphragm
4. If you need to cut-and-paste a screenplay together, do choose obscure films, we,the movie-going public, do like a challenge
5. Bubble speech works only in Comics – you might want to look for a different dialogue writer for 3-D movies with real people in it
6. Bird’s eye-view shots in a computer generated town works only when you are Peter Jackson and you can slip in New Zealand into some of it
7. Carie-Anne Moss is Trinity, do not waste her as a prop
Overall, I would say, stick to Milla Jovovich and Zombies – you are good at creating mass-destruction in a more of a cinematic set-up than real stories.
And Kit, I love you as Jon Snow but you got to practise more than just your squinting-menacingly-at-your-enemies look and swordplay. The Abs, you can keep.
Ladies and Gentlemen,I would recommend Pompeii for a different reason. It is an insightful movie. All of you who claim that we are hurting the planet making it sound like it is an adorable furry little animal?
I have news for you!
The planet is out to get us! Invest in FTL companies Now- Buy, Buy, Buy!